SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER:

The sarge and I have been increasing the weight lifting component lately. I have to admit I prefer to do the weights as opposed to the cardio. For some reason it seems more interesting...learning the proper form and the challenge of increasing the weight. I'm actually starting to look like Lou Ferrigno (The Hulk)...not the muscles mind you, just a little green!

So far my cardio has consisted of the treadmill. I had no idea how dangerous those thing can be! Last week I was doing a brisk walk and then all of a sudden the power went out (The Sarge didn't pay the bill) and I almost ended up going through the TV screen! It was a sight to see, I'm sure! You have to picture how long it takes me to get that thing up to speed in the first place and then once i get rolling baby, watch out! I set a wicked pace (the power of visualization is very strong in this one Obe Wan) right up to level 6...man I'm smokin'. Wham! the power goes off and this thing doesn't roll to a stop, it just stops! As i was lunging head first towards the TV thinking about my own mortality, my life didn't pass before my eyes, i actually only thought how pitiful it was that my last breakfast on this planet was only a bowl of cereal! To top it off it was stale! Anyways, luck was on my side and I didn't end up in the TV, but it was close. It was so close that everyone in the gym looked at me, you know with the fake concern on their faces, and asked if I was okay.

On the same day (danger awaits at Bodilogix) one of the other morning regulars had a mishap. I always thought that "mishap" was such a nice non-threatening type of word...so innocent really. I digress, young Miss Melissa was walking across the gym floor and stepped on a mat which slipped from under her and down she went. I have never seen such a graceful fall as what she did that day! Heck when she landed on the floor she had the kuputz to pretend she did it on purpose...now that takes style! Maybe the Sarge is trying to get rid of us one at a time, she's been watching too many of those Final Destination movies I think.

Speaking of the morning regulars, what a great group of people. Somebody referred to it as the "old boys club", mind you Miss Melissa is not included in that of course. It's a strange dynamic...Andre shows up when he feels like it, Jeff is there every morning but for some reason he does his push ups out in the parking lot (he has a wood floor phobia, poor guy) , then there is Chris who wants to be a body builder (everybody needs a dream) and then the elder statesman of the group is Dave (not me). Poor Dave, it really is painful to watch but he tries so damn hard. As a society, we really need to encourage the elderly to stay active. While all this is going on the Sarge wanders around being the circus leader...she thinks she's in charge, what a funny girl!

Awe, funny you say...the Sarge introduced me to another machine the other day. She called it the "Lazy boy", it looked more like the rack from some medieval dungeon! I knew this was going to be painful when the Sarge actually starting laughing when she was trying to explain how I was to get into this thing! I kid not, her face was red and she was laughing...nothing but love and support at Bodilogix! Anyways i had to step inside the this thing holding on to a handle in front of me, but you can't stand straight up as it's on an angle and of course the belly factor comes into play with me. So now that I'm totally off balance I have to lower myself into the seat part...I think mine was more of a fall into the seat. So I'm now in this seat, looking up at the ceiling because of the angle it's on, safety bars and gadgets on either side of me so that the weights won't come crashing down on me. I never got the impression that this was a 'lazy boy" but I know now how Astronauts must feel before takeoff! This turned out to be an exercise for the butt and legs...with my a$$ pointed to the ceiling. I'm still trying to find the hidden cameras!

Remember when I said everyone has been looking into my grocery cart seeing what I was buying? It's now gone a step further...I've been ordered by the Chair of the Police Services Board that I'm not aloud to attend this weekends "Ribfest" ! This is going to a very, very long year!

Remember..."Some cause happiness wherever they go(me);
others whenever they go (Sarge)."
Oscar Wilde

Big Dave...to the Galaxy and beyond!!